Lock Me In Page 13

  ‘We kinda hot-desk,’ Grohl told him, stopping in the far corner of the room, ‘but Matt mostly used this corner here.’

  There was a blank section of smooth white table, with several plug sockets where it seamlessly met the wall.

  Mae ducked under the table, came back up. ‘No filing cabinet, nothing like that?’

  Grohl smirked. ‘Oh sure, yeah, 1998 is just next door.’ Mae kept his gaze level until the smirk withered. ‘No. No filing cabinet, we’re pretty much one hundred per cent digital.’

  ‘Right. About his computer?’

  ‘It’s not here. The chick I spoke to not mention that?’

  ‘I wouldn’t call DC Ziegler that to her face, mate. But yes,’ Mae remembered, ‘she did. You were expecting his laptop back though, right?’

  Grohl shrugged. ‘Just not like him to forget something like that. He’s – what’s the word – conscientious. But then, what happened with the drugs they found wasn’t like him, either.’

  ‘About that. Was there a reason you didn’t mention that when you reported him missing?’

  Suddenly interested in his shoes, he blew out his cheeks. ‘Matt just … you know. Asked me to keep it on the down-low.’

  ‘Right.’ Mae made a note, then looked up. ‘HR said something about a locker?’

  Grohl nodded. ‘Yeah, but it’s not like high school, you don’t have one allocated just for you. You just pick whatever’s free in the morning. They’re they kind you put a quid in. Surprising he used one at all, really.’

  ‘Yeah? Why’s that?’

  He chuckled. ‘Pretty easy to jimmy them open. I mean, if you had a baggy full of notes, wouldn’t you keep it down your sock, or something?’

  Mae lifted his eyes, very slowly, from the pad. ‘Notes.’ He waited. ‘I’m assuming we’re not talking Post-its.’

  ‘Oh,’ Grohl said slowly, the air visibly leaving his body. ‘You didn’t know about the money.’

  ‘I did not. But I do now. Keep talking.’

  ‘Last day Matt was in here – Monday? – he came back in to say cheers, you know. Bye. He came over here for his coat, and when he put it on, this baggy falls out of the inside pocket.’ He rubbed his first two fingers and thumb together, international sign for cash. ‘Twenties, all stacked up, like when you get them out the bank.’

  ‘How much are we talking?’

  He made a pfff sound and shrugged.

  ‘Roughly? A grand? Five grand?’

  ‘How the hell am I supposed to know? I work in a hospital, not a cartel. It’s not like they pay in cash.’

  Mae went for his phone, did a search for an image. He turned the screen round. ‘This,’ he said, ‘is five grand, in twenties.’

  ‘More than that. Maybe ten, then?’

  ‘And do you know where it came from?’

  A flick of the eyes then, decisively, ‘No.’

  ‘You’re sure.’

  ‘I could only guess.’

  ‘But you do have a guess,’ Mae encouraged, because the reluctance was coming off the bloke in clouds. ‘Just speculation and conjecture. Won’t tell a soul.’

  Grohl leaned on what had been his colleague’s favoured desk and rubbed a hand around in his stubble. ‘You already know about the drugs.’

  ‘The ones he lifted.’

  ‘Yeah, those. I only know about that from my mate who works in the central pharmacy. Rutherford Wing. It’s not being talked about, and Matt left quietly. Really quiet. No one’s pressing charges.’ He raised a meaningful eyebrow. ‘Know what I mean?’

  ‘You think he was paid off?’ Mae turned it over in his mind, but stayed far from convinced. ‘Surely it would have been in Matt’s interest to keep quiet about it if the hospital was happy to let it go? Avoid a criminal record, for a start.’

  ‘Maybe. But also, the big story really is how he managed to do it in the first place. Shoddy security. Tabloids love that sort of shit, right? And he’s quiet, but he’s also pretty smart. Why walk away empty-handed when you can use a secret to your own advantage?’ He shrugged, just putting it out there.

  ‘You’re saying Matt threatened to spill the beans on his own crime? He blackmailed the hospital?’

  ‘I’m not saying anything,’ Grohl told him, dipping to pick a thread of lint from the immaculate floor. ‘Speculation and conjecture, like you said.’

  27.

  Ellie

  We met at the usual bench on the boundary of the estate, then went down to the path. It was always a little overgrown at this time of year, but it was no match for us. We both had our cuffs tucked into Gore-Tex gloves, and Mum had a machete. I’d always loved this part as a kid, scrambling after her as she swung the blade through the brambles. It made us fearless explorers, battling the jungle.

  ‘Big one there,’ she said over her shoulder and I ducked just in time to avoid a thick thorny vine swing back towards me.

  The hems of my trousers were soaked by the time we were out the other side of the overgrowth. We stood together, brushing leaves and thorns from our clothes and breathing hard, our exhalations drifting on the cold air like fog into the clearing. The clean, woody scent of wet sang out everywhere: from the vegetation, the dew, the rain, the river.

  Beyond the little clearing was a thicker perimeter of birches where the land gave way to the water. A newcomer might be surprised by the sudden majesty of the Thames, but I’d been there, on that exact route, so many times that I could pace the steps to the water’s edge blindfolded. This place was ours.

  We spread out the blanket and sat down, our backs against the bough, and she gestured for the bag and got out the flask.

  ‘You going to start?’ Mum asked me. ‘You need to talk to her.’

  I got up. ‘Siggy,’ I started, and I felt her watching me. ‘I know you’re angry. But we’ve come because … because …’

  I gripped my eyes shut, feeling her blooming darkly inside me. When I opened them, Mum was standing in front of me. She took my hands, and searched my eyes.

  ‘We come here because we want her to know we care about her.’

  I folded my arms. ‘We’ve been doing this for years. It doesn’t make any difference. She’s not going away, is she?’

  Mum unscrewed the lid of the hot chocolate, poured a capful and handed it to me from her spot on the rug. ‘We don’t know that.’

  ‘No? So where’s Matt?’

  She looked away. ‘I don’t think you should worry.’

  ‘Really? Why are you pretending it’s all fine when he’s gone, and I’m covered in cuts and bruises and you’re—’ I gestured to her face, but couldn’t articulate it. ‘Look what she did to you.’

  ‘I’ve had worse, love. I’ll be fine.’ She’d thrown the entire make-up arsenal at her damaged face before she’d gone to work but it was almost back to its natural state now. The swelling had maybe receded by a fraction, but the bruise was purple and intense. It was going to last her weeks.

  I stared out to the river. ‘She’s getting stronger. We’re losing.’

  ‘Don’t be dramatic. He’s probably fine,’ she said, reaching up for my hand.

  The wind was picking up now, lifting the tendrils of steam from the plastic cups and dispersing them.

  ‘I should have stayed well clear. Told him I was nuts and just walked away.’

  She let the hand drop. ‘You’re not nuts.’

  ‘No? Have you looked in a bloody mirror, Mum?’

  ‘OK.’ She shifted on the blanket, settled into an easy lotus. ‘Let’s go with your version for a minute. Let’s say Siggy did take you there, down to his boat. He would have seen it was a fugue. He knows about the fugues.’

  I shrugged miserably.

  ‘And he would have stopped you.’

  ‘How?’

  ‘I don’t know, but look at it realistically. He’s what, six foot?’

  ‘Six two.’

  ‘And he’s not a weakling. He goes to the gym.’

  ‘So what? You work out pret
ty much every day of your life and look how that ended up!’

  She got up again and came to me, hugging her arms over the top of mine, holding me in. ‘Oh baby, OK. Calm down.’

  I’d been trying so hard not to cry but something just juddered and broke and I lost.

  ‘If she’s done this, done the same to Matt that she did to Jodie—’

  ‘Don’t sweetheart. We don’t know anything yet.’

  ‘Yes we do.’ I pulled away, wiped my eyes roughly with my cuff and swallowed. ‘We do. It’s what we both think, isn’t it?’

  ‘Come on. You’re just assuming the worst.’

  ‘… and you keep saying it wasn’t me, but you’re scared of me, Mum!’

  The moment in which she could have told me it wasn’t true came and went. We both saw it. She held me by the shoulders, looking into my eyes. ‘I’m never, ever going to abandon you to this. I’m not.’

  ‘What are we going to do?’

  ‘I don’t know. I mean – we can just start again. No,’ she said, holding up a hand to stop me from interrupting. ‘No. Listen to me. If you’re that worried, let’s just go. Move.’ She gestured expansively. ‘We can go anywhere. We’ve got nothing keeping us here.’

  ‘So you don’t think he’s coming back.’

  Her shoulders dropped. ‘I’m not going to lie to you: there is a chance it’s not good news. But we still have options. We still have each other.’

  I opened my mouth, closed it again. I couldn’t say it.

  But her sad smile told me I didn’t need to. ‘I know I’m not enough, baby.’

  ‘It’s not that—’

  ‘I get it. You’re a grown woman. You need something more than your mum. But Ellie, love, sometimes people have to lead different lives. Some people aren’t meant for normal relationships, you know? It doesn’t mean we can’t be happy. But maybe, until we figure out how to control her, we’d be safer keeping to ourselves.’

  I picked up a stick and scratched in the dirt. ‘I’m not just disappearing without finding him.’

  There was a long silence before she spoke again.

  ‘OK, fine. I understand. But maybe we’re going to have to prepare ourselves for finding something we don’t like.’

  28.

  Mae

  McCulloch stuck her head into the corridor as Mae walked past and called him over.

  ‘How’s the baby bird?’

  ‘Kit? Fine.’

  Dipping her head to deliver a meaningful look she said, ‘You’re being nice?’

  ‘I’m being exemplary.’

  ‘Good.’ Her phone started to ring, and she made to go back in to answer it, before changing her mind. ‘Any developments on the misper? You weren’t exactly garrulous in the briefing.’

  Matthew Corsham’s disappearance, or whatever it was, had been an AOB item, and half the shift were already getting up and heading off. ‘We’re just doing some background work on the bloke. Looks like he was caught thieving at work and got himself summarily P45’d, so there might well be a charge, if we find him.’

  She nodded, her chunky curls bobbing around her face. ‘But he’s still low-risk, you think?’

  ‘Yep.’

  McCulloch was confused. ‘You’re on a decent slab of cases, aren’t you, Ben?’

  It was one way of putting it. He hadn’t put the promised calls in about Damien Hayes, and although Corsham was the only new one this week, there were follow-ups due for a dozen other actives.

  ‘But this one’s been top of your to-do? How come?’

  Her eyeline shifted to the door, and Mae turned to see Kit Ziegler standing behind him.

  ‘Catherine. We were just talking about your missing person. Progress?’

  Kit cleared her throat. ‘Main problem is he was a loner, so we’ve hardly anyone who knew him, apart from the girlfriend.’

  Mae tightened his jaw. Don’t say the name.

  McCulloch nodded. ‘And the mother. Anything useful from her?’

  ‘No, can’t get hold of either parent. It was the girlfriend’s mother we spoke to, actually,’ Kit corrected her.

  Don’t say it. Please.

  Kit shoved her hands in her back pockets. ‘But neither of the Powers have yielded much yet, to be honest.’

  Bollocks.

  Mae opened his eyes as McCulloch slowly moved her gaze over to his.

  ‘Powers,’ she said. Delivered it with a stare that turned his fingernails blue.

  Kit nodded, then looked to Mae, and back again. ‘Something wrong?’ she said, then she glanced into her boss’s office. ‘Ma’am, your phone’s ringing.’

  McCulloch blinked, pressed her fingers against her temples, then crossed to her desk. ‘I’ll come and see you in a moment,’ she said, before lifting the receiver.

  Kit waited until they were in the corridor before she voiced her confusion. ‘What was that all about?’

  ‘No idea.’

  She paused at the coffee machine. ‘Want one?’

  ‘I like my goats’ piss seasonal and organic.’

  Laughing, Kit slotted her coins in to the machine. ‘Seriously, though?’ she went on, pressing the buttons for what was promised to be a latte. ‘She looked like she was going to take your head off.’

  Mae shrugged, spread his hands like he was fucked if he knew, but it wasn’t without a sheen of guilt. Protocol had little to say on the matter, but he knew he should at least have cleared it with McCulloch. From the outset she had been supportive, even when, after the Arden case fell apart, the brass were just as happy to let him go as they had been to hang his DS out to dry. But McCulloch had fought his corner: it was DS Heath who’d been responsible for the misconduct, not Mae. She repeated it whenever the cause arose: to him, to her peers, even to Internal Affairs.

  Not your fault, Ben. She was very unstable. DS Heath – she never called him Ian, not anymore – DS Heath messed up. It wasn’t because of you.

  ‘You all right, Sarge?’ Kit asked.

  He unclenched his shoulders, forced a smile. Kit shrugged, satisfied, and retrieved the brown plastic cup from the machine and took a sip.

  ‘Holy actual fuck,’ she said, grimacing. ‘It literally does taste like goat piss.’

  Mae started filling her in on the deal at the hospital when her phone rang. She took it, speaking in yeahs and rights followed by a few thanks at the end. As she hung up she turned to face him, her expression buzzing.

  ‘One of my buddies on Traffic,’ she said. ‘I had them run a VIN search, and guess what it turned up?’

  ‘Corsham’s car?’

  ‘Corsham’s car. 1989 Golf Cabriolet. Burnt out round the back of the old cinema site in Feltham.’

  29.

  Charles Cox Psychotherapy Ltd.

  Clinical audio recording transcript

  Patient name: Eleanor Power

  Session date: 10 Septembert 2006

  CC: Welcome again, Ellie.

  EP: Thanks. Hi. Should I … do you want me to lie down this time?

  CC: Well, it’s up to you. I’ve put these cushions here so you have the option if you feel that you’d be able to get into more of a relaxed state by … yes, there is fine, I just move this over … here. OK. Comfortable?

  EP: Yeah. Fine.

  CC: So today we’re going to try a bit more of a guided session, if you’re still happy to do that.

  EP: I wouldn’t exactly call it happy but OK.

  CC: [Laughs] All right. So in a minute we’re going to listen to a recorded relaxation guide. What we’re trying to do is calm your mind and see if we can connect in some way with the sort of feelings that Siggy tends to have.

  EP: OK.

  CC: So let’s start by naming a few of those feelings. You’ve said before that Siggy often feels very angry, is that the right … would you describe her that way?

  EP: I think so. But probably even more scared than angry.

  CC: Scared. Tell me about that.

  EP: She kind of … she always wants
to check everything, make sure things are safe, kind of. She doesn’t trust people.

  CC: OK. Good. So we’re going to listen now to the guide, and see if we can create a very safe, calm place for her to surface. Let me just stop this a moment—

  [recording paused] [recording resumed]

  CC: All right. I want you to stay as relaxed as you are now. We’re not forcing Siggy to do anything, and we’re not fighting her.

  EP: Mmm.

  CC: So when you’re ready, I’d like you to let me know if Siggy is feeling anything particularly. Just let it come, let your body do nothing at all.

  [pause: 12 sec]

  EP: She’s frightened.

  CC: OK. That’s all right. So just bring that feeling to the front of your mind. No rush. Let’s very gently try to bring this fear into focus. Keep your eyes closed. See if we can help her find what it is she’s frightened of. See if we can locate the danger.

  [pause: 41 sec]

  CC: I’m noticing your breathing is getting faster.

  EP: It’s like, uh, tightness? Here.

  CC: In your chest? OK. Can you tell me anything else that you’re feeling, any other sensations?

  [pause: 23 sec]

  EP: Like everything getting small. I want to be small. Hide.

  CC: OK. Let’s stay with that feeling. There’s something or someone that you want to hide from. If you can, I want you to take a step back now from yourself and tell me what else is near you, what else is around that might be adding to this feeling of fear.

  EP: It-it hurts.

  CC: It hurts. You’re feeling pain.

  EP: Everywhere. All across – all down my – down my back and my legs.

  CC: Is there anything you can say about where this pain came from?

  [pause: 32 sec]

  CC: I’m seeing you still trying to make yourself small, and you’re closing your eyes very tight there.

  EP: I-I don’t want to look. I-I need help.

  CC: Yes. You need help, you’re hurt and need someone to be there to help you. Is there anyone there to help you? Is there anyone you know there?